why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
