So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
