bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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