Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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