i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
