So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
