I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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