Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize