Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
