make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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