someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
