I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
