I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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