i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
