I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
