She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
