I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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