He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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