and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
