I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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