The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
