her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
