hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
