he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your penis caused this!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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