I need to stop coming to work sober
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
