maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
