K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
