you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
