Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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