drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize