yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
