I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize