Your face is a jimmy john
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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