You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
