just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
