I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
