so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
