Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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