glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
