I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
