I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
