I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
