i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
