every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
