He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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