I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
