This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
