Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
