hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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