Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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