That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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