I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
40s are totally the cure
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
