The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize