I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
