I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
