well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
