Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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