you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
