I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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