I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
