I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
