I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
