I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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