Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
