All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
