They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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