I think my fart just growled at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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