if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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